Thursday, 26 August 2010

The Finer Things in Life


I'm working with a young E-Coaching client who recently told me she wanted "the finer things in life". Since my response is generally useful, and does not compromise client confidentiality, I thought I would include some of it here, where it might help a wider readership.

I said:

This is some help, but again, not very specific. My idea of the finer things in life is likely to be very different from your idea, and so the phrase needs expansion. Do you mean fast cars, large houses, yachts, six-pack men, a high flying job, a Gucci watch, Lipo, or something else? When we're young, it's tempting to think that we're all the same, and answers to these questions are obvious - but they're not, and the devil's in the detail, as they say.

So, I invite you to give this serious thought. If you could wave the magic wand, what finer life would you lead? Try to forget reality or being realistic (It was Will Smith who said [something like] "Many a mediocre life has been made through being realistic"). So - if you could have it all, what all would it be?

If you take this seriously, it will take you quite some time, because you'll start reluctantly, think it's pointless because the world isn't going to give you those things, but you'll start jotting down the obvious things, then after a time, you'll being to get a deeper feel for things. You might say "Actually, that silver Mercedes would be NICE, but I can be miserable in one with no problem". Then you start to think about what makes you tick, what makes you sing, what fills your heart with joy, what makes your life worth living. So getting through the bling is the thing. Useful questions include:

1. Look back over your life to date, and ask what the Five Star moments have been. Might be sitting on the swings with Mum aged 6, or helping a younger sibling somehow, or being among special friends, or eating, cooking, swimming, running - I don't know but a part of you does. Don't be tempted to write down what people might expect you to, or what you think looks "right" - just say what's true - because it is.

2. On the flip-side of that, write down the big unhappy times.

3. Reflect on both of those and ask yourself WHY. Why was I happy? (by the way "I just was!" is not good enough - push through it).

There are some more ideas here: http://www.uklifecoaching.org/values.htm

This hard work will form the foundation for the life you choose to build for yourself, so build it well.

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