Friday 15 October 2010

How Avoiding Uncomfortable Truths Traps Us

 Hello Andy,

So you want to change where you live, and you lack confidence and you're pessimistic. You may also be far too busy at work and highly stressed; these probably leave you with no time and no energy for planning and making big changes like this outside of work.

It's a trap. The question is - how are you going to get out of it?

I'll start by asking you why you don't like the place you live.

Sometimes, our semi-conscious minds tell us lies to support our egos. For example, if you have no social life, this semi-conscious mind of yours might tell you that that's because your home area is dominated by the "wrong class of people". That version of your world supports your ego by avoiding another explanation for the lack of a social life - that you're shy, or un-confident, and so on.

Another possibility is that - if you blame the area - then you don't have to do that scary stuff which seems necessary to build a social life - and since you are "too busy and stressed" to look at moving you're stuck in a dump.... but you're also SAFE SAFE SAFE - and absolved of blame.

That's all guess-work, of course, but I see this a lot, and I'm showing you how I do my work. You'll be filling in the blanks of course.

It's not always comfy, but seeing it and dealing with it is often the way forward.

I like this:
wherever you go - there you are
 - so if you're submerging real issues under false ones which move you away - you'll take the real ones with you - and when you get there - they'll be too.

Alternatively, perhaps we'd find real, solid reasons why the area doesn't suit you (a country man living in the city, for example). In that case, the pessimism and unwillingness to make stuff happen which you report, will work against you.

Here, our work would entail finding what's at the root of those issues and then dissolving it. That would free you up to see more clearly and to act in your own interest.

There might also be ways we could alleviate the poor fit to help you make the best of a bad job if that's how you wanted to play it.

It's challenging stuff (which is why you find yourself on my website looking for help, of course), but it's nothing we can't crack together.

Best Wishes,

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