tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55571892168225918992024-03-14T09:14:05.569+00:00Real-Life-CoachingAbout what it's like being in your head and in the world. Real-life, really practical ways to deal better with your life.Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-53156892785957675312014-09-10T10:05:00.002+01:002014-09-10T10:05:38.318+01:00I don't need a life coach - I should be Self-Motivating - I Need a Kicking
Hello Janet,
I noticed your comment about feeling you
should be self motivated and that you "need a good kick". Made me smile.
But you're too hard on yourself. You may feel
you SHOULD be self-motivated, but the fact is that you're not. I feel I should
be taller - but it isn't going to happen!
We often tend to "should" ourselves
into misery. Things are what they are, and not always Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-36085364288846675062014-02-11T11:15:00.002+00:002014-02-11T11:15:37.289+00:00Living on PurposeAt the moment I'm writing a "Living Life Purpose Bootcamp" series, and if you like you can sign up for it here
In the meantime, here is an interesting video montage of some Will Smith clips.
In some ways, he's de-motivating in the way that Tony Robbins is. One of Tony's formulae for success is "all you have to do is take massive action until you succeed". Oh. Is that all.... I better get right Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-50224939955116488542013-12-02T11:06:00.000+00:002013-12-02T11:06:04.709+00:00Living in Ignorance?
I coach by email as well as by phone, Skype and in person. It's a different experience entirely, with strengths and weaknesses (more here).
Clients often find themselves bewildered or afraid when I show them a world of possibilities and they don't know what to do with them. It can be very unsettling, and people tell me this is one of the top reasons they decide not to have coaching.Here is anChris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-70968744520326205732013-08-19T13:06:00.001+01:002013-08-19T13:06:34.927+01:00Outside the Box
During a walk around Bedford river this morning I saw a lady rummaging in the grass with a plastic bag on her hand. Since she had a dog with her, I assumed the obvious.But later on, I saw her again and it became clear that what she was doing - was tidying up litter. She looked "normal" - well-dressed, affluent and her Scotty-dog was well-groomed. I thought about why she was doing what she was Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-88329384344389812652013-04-03T10:07:00.001+01:002013-04-03T10:07:31.433+01:00
Other People are in Charge of my Life!
Hello
Jane,
Thanks for your
insights about why you're not hiring a life coach. I was particularly interested
with this comment:
... there are no guarantees of success only
more knowledge as it all comes down to other people driving the
situations.
Two things there.
Firstly, on the guarantees of success item - you are Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-19789972603653074942012-09-21T09:27:00.000+01:002012-09-25T11:49:42.174+01:00All You Need is a New Car, Right?
I've never driven a Peugeot car, and I'm
indifferent to the prospect, but their new ad for the 208 is intriguing from a life coaching perspective.
Have a look.
Do you see what I
mean?
It speaks of the "you inside you". Of the person you could be - should be
- if you weren't so .... inhibited. It's like you sit there in the passenger
seat of your life, watching the buffoon Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-14381074496523600602012-09-11T09:01:00.002+01:002012-09-11T09:01:42.163+01:00Who Really Does it All for Themselves?
One of the dominant
reasons why people resist life coaching is the feeling that it represents some
kind of personal failure.
Thoughts like:
"I should be able to do it myself!"
or
"coaching is like counselling for the needy"
- abound. (Lots I could say
about the second one especially).
Well, the truth is
that the VAST MAJORITY OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE in many walks of life hire Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-61207246975712567192012-07-03T10:27:00.001+01:002012-07-03T19:45:12.965+01:00Compelling Illusions, Human Misery & the Power of your Own Bull
"The evidence of your own eyes" will tell you this picture is not possible. Yet there it sits. What can't speak can't lie, right? It's nuts... Walk away.
In fact, it is a real and possible object and it does exist, but it's not what you think. You've made an assumption which is so strong, you can't think it's wrong. In fact your assumption is so strong, and so universally true for Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-51539740053517354532012-06-13T12:07:00.001+01:002012-06-22T09:52:27.313+01:00Summer Special OfferHere's a little something for you... It's back!
From now until the end of the summer solstice (June 21st), you can claim any coachingyou buy for half price. So if you buy one session, you'll pay £30 instead of £60. If you buy a 4-pack, you'll pay £110 instead of £220. And you can buy more than one if you like.
If you're a new client, you'll still have to start with a £10 initial phone Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-70567072274968738412012-06-07T10:36:00.000+01:002012-07-03T20:59:28.968+01:00Get a Life!
Hi Peter. So most of all, you want to "get a life".
The first thing I suggest ni these cases is to get specific.
What would "a life" (one you'd like to live) look like? As long as it's a fuzzy dream, it stays a dream. Getting specific brings it into the realms of the possible. Of course, that then means doing stuff to make it happen - ewww - work! And more than that - work that makes youChris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-59422323299447117502012-05-03T11:34:00.001+01:002012-07-03T20:51:34.101+01:00Stop Making Things Worse!
I've been thinking
about resignation.
Not resigning, but being resigned. Some clients have
situations which simply cannot be fixed or escaped and then it's a different
game.
If you can't get
what'll make you happy,
then perhaps
you can get happy with what you've
got.
Or at least try
to get OK with it.
So - whatever situation you're struggling with and can't
Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-13916969912500668552012-04-23T10:52:00.001+01:002012-07-03T20:09:37.659+01:00
The
Science of Human Happiness Martin Seligman is
an American psychologist who has spent much of his career looking at human
happiness, and here's your nutshell taster of his latest and greatest version.
It's a simplification, but it's good enough for a taster.Firstly, he
isolates "happiness" in the narrow sense (think chocolate or champagne - lovely
but short-lives and one Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-31389480831372940272012-04-16T10:12:00.003+01:002012-07-03T20:09:12.764+01:00Blocked by Perfectionism?
I am blocked by a long standing belief that if I can't be the best, then what's the point in trying hard for pretty good. I can see this is a daft thing to believe but can't seem to dig deep enough to pull it out by the roots.
Hello Frances,
The problem you describe is one I can identify with personally.
For me, in youth, it was either top-of-the-line perfection or it wasn't Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-15037103664072652212012-04-10T11:06:00.000+01:002012-07-03T20:08:04.851+01:00Wishing your Life Away?
Hello Melanie,
I noticed your comment about wishing your life away and enjoying it instead. That's a lovely wish and I help lots of people like you in this way.
I can give you some pointers, but experience has taught me that people find this work almost impossible to do on their own. There's an article explaining why that is, here - but in summary, we can't see our own lives clearly because Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-6939694518781572182011-12-01T09:55:00.000+00:002012-07-03T20:06:12.264+01:00How Can You Get out of Jail when you don't know you're In one?
I have been corresponding with a client who is working to find her place in life. That is made far harder because there is a long history of influence from a very dominant person. Such influences make thing very difficult. Here's what I said:
Hi Jayne,
If you are now well away from that dominant personality, then you can begin to explore.
You'll need to keep a very close eye onChris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-30293629139027334132011-10-24T14:20:00.000+01:002012-07-03T20:13:00.105+01:00JoyfulWell now, here's something joyful for you from a young man called Erik Mongrain.
I think that covers it! Enjoy.
LIKE IT? SHARE IT! Using these buttons:Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-33772285187709833082011-10-10T10:26:00.000+01:002011-10-10T10:26:50.437+01:00Are You a Big Spender - who can't afford it?
Hi J,
I see this is a long-standing goal, and one which duplicates an earlier goal, so you've struggled for quite a while on this one. Here are some thoughts for you.
Persistent problems come down to habit, and they are difficult to remove. But not impossible.
My ideas for you are these:
1. Find a talisman to remind you that things are going to be different
2. Get to the root of EXACTLY Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-74771421743513659592011-09-21T09:06:00.000+01:002011-09-21T09:06:56.250+01:00Living a Life Full of Energy
Hello T.
So you'd like to "live a life filled with energy". What a lovely phrase!
The first thing I would say is to flesh that out with really specific, concrete goals.
What would a life full of energy look like?
Where would that life be based? (Where would you live?)
Who would be around you? If you can't give names, give attributes - ages, genders, income brackets, personal characteristics, Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-28199613459949771242011-08-08T10:31:00.000+01:002011-08-08T10:31:00.913+01:00I have no commitment - so Life Coaching is Pointless. Right?
Hello Anne,
I noticed your comment about not having coaching because of your lack of commitment.
I often say, I coach real people with all their flaws - not perfect versions of those people.
Coaching is all about succeeding with a client despite their challenges. I mentioned briefly how I'd start - with clear goals you can believe in. But that's just the start. Almost inevitably, things don'tChris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-87682707404820139402011-06-24T10:15:00.000+01:002011-06-24T10:15:01.662+01:00Painting the Smelly Stuff
This is an anonymised extract from my dialgoue with an E-Coaching client:
There's a nice analogy I think I can get away with with you, (it's a bit rude). Perhaps you've heard it before.
We start life as a diamond. Shiny, new, open and entirely wonderful (children are these things).
In our diamond years, we are punished by parents, teachers, other children and by our understanding of Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-10626538045100881562011-05-27T10:46:00.000+01:002011-05-27T10:46:45.764+01:00Standing Up For Yourself - Why Bother?
Julia wrote to me following my BLOG article on anger:
Hi Chris,
So true about the anger. I have experienced it a lot lately. I am usually one of the most relaxed, laid back people that I know and I've always been the one to let things pass.
But lately I am full of anger and I usually become defensive. As if I am finally standing up for myself but not sure I am doing it the right wayChris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-14132456943619098512011-05-25T10:36:00.001+01:002011-05-25T10:37:27.021+01:00Dissolving Anger
Hello Jacqueline,
Anger is driven by two things:
a mis-match between what is and what ought to be
a sense of powerlessness to change it.
Removing the anger can involve:
changing a perception about how things are
changing a belief about how things ought to be
increasing control
finding new coping tactics
- Sometimes it's a mixture of some or all of these.
It's important to try to tackle this Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-64226964821206302232011-05-09T12:11:00.000+01:002011-05-09T12:11:06.185+01:00The Worry of Worry
Hello Debbie,
So you want to be more relaxed and worry less.
Worry is a big source of misery in many people's lives and the causes and cures are varied.
Start by getting your worry monsters out of the shadows and onto a well-lit table. When you're fully alert and feeling good, write them down in sentenced like "I am worried about money".
Next express the worry in terms of consequences: "I Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-34261650142671173572011-04-12T09:28:00.003+01:002011-04-12T09:30:59.609+01:00Victims & Invisible Choices
You OK? The world is a troubling place at the moment, with global recession, middle Eastern instability and class 7 nuclear incidents.
That's one of the problems with news, of course. Awareness for its own sake is not always - and perhaps is not often - a good thing.
I recall a while ago, when this dawned on me. Hugh Edwards was reading the BBC news and saying "An update for you on that lorry Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-40472763012058260662011-04-08T11:55:00.000+01:002011-04-08T11:55:09.540+01:00Pull Your Socks Up?
Hello Dermot
I noticed your observation that "I could coach myself". This is a common tought, and although you may suspect my vested interest, I honeslty think it's a mistaken one.
If you look back at the last 5 years, you might see yourself in the existence you're currently unhappy with, and if you do - you might ask yourself why you haven't coached yourself up until now.
Usually, we know Chris Wesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16037269376872437902noreply@blogger.com1