tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899Thu, 24 May 2012 10:29:32 +0000depression life wishes life coachingAbout what it's like being in your head and in the world. Real-life, really practical ways to deal better with your life.http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/noreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)Blogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-5942232329944711750Thu, 03 May 2012 10:34:00 +00002012-05-03T11:34:39.682+01:00     I've been thinking about resignation.   Not resigning, but being resigned. Some clients have situations which simply cannot be fixed or escaped and then it's a different game.   If you can't get what'll make you happy, then perhaps you can get happy with what you've got.   Or at least try to get OK with it.   So - whatever situation you're struggling with and http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2012/05/stop-making-thing-worse.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-1391696991250066855Mon, 23 Apr 2012 09:52:00 +00002012-04-23T10:56:04.458+01:00 The Science of Human Happiness Martin Seligman is an American psychologist who has spent much of his career looking at human happiness, and here's your nutshell taster of his latest and greatest version. It's a simplification, but it's good enough for a taster.Firstly, he isolates "happiness" in the narrow sense (think chocolate or champagne - lovely but short-lives and one http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2012/04/science-of-human-happiness-martin.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-3138948083137294027Mon, 16 Apr 2012 09:12:00 +00002012-04-16T10:15:30.399+01:00 I am blocked by a long standing belief that if I can't be the best, then what's the point in trying hard for pretty good. I can see this is a daft thing to believe but can't seem to dig deep enough to pull it out by the roots. Hello Frances,The problem you describe is one I can identify with personally. For me, in youth, it was either top-of-the-line perfection or it wasn't worth having. I http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2012/04/i-am-blocked-by-long-standing-belief.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-1503710366407265221Tue, 10 Apr 2012 10:06:00 +00002012-04-10T11:06:37.468+01:00depression life wishes life coaching Hello Melanie, I noticed your comment about wishing your life away and enjoying it instead. That's a lovely wish and I help lots of people like you in this way. I can give you some pointers, but experience has taught me that people find this work almost impossible to do on their own. There's an article explaining why that is, here - but in summary, we can't see our own lives clearly because http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2012/04/wishing-your-life-away.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-693969451878157218Thu, 01 Dec 2011 09:55:00 +00002011-12-01T09:55:14.117Z I have been corresponding with a client who is working to find her place in life. That is made far harder because there is a long history of influence from a very dominant person. Such influences make thing very difficult. Here's what I had to say: Hi Jayne,  If you are now well away from that dominant personality, then you can begin to explore. You'll need to keep a very close eye on your http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/12/how-can-you-get-out-of-jail-when-you.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-3029362913902733413Mon, 24 Oct 2011 13:20:00 +00002011-10-24T14:20:08.497+01:00Well now, here's something joyful for you from a young man called Erik Mongrain. I think that covers it! Enjoy. LIKE IT? SHARE IT! Using these buttons:http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/10/joyful.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-3377228518770983308Mon, 10 Oct 2011 09:26:00 +00002011-10-10T10:26:50.437+01:00 Hi J, I see this is a long-standing goal, and one which duplicates an earlier goal, so you've struggled for quite a while on this one. Here are some thoughts for you. Persistent problems come down to habit, and they are difficult to remove. But not impossible. My ideas for you are these: 1. Find a talisman to remind you that things are going to be different 2. Get to the root of EXACTLY http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/10/are-you-big-spender-who-cant-afford-it.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-7477142174351365959Wed, 21 Sep 2011 08:06:00 +00002011-09-21T09:06:56.250+01:00 Hello T. So you'd like to "live a life filled with energy". What a lovely phrase! The first thing I would say is to flesh that out with really specific, concrete goals. What would a life full of energy look like? Where would that life be based? (Where would you live?) Who would be around you? If you can't give names, give attributes - ages, genders, income brackets, personal characteristics, http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/09/living-life-full-of-energy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-2819961345994977124Mon, 08 Aug 2011 09:31:00 +00002011-08-08T10:31:00.913+01:00 Hello Anne, I noticed your comment about not having coaching because of your lack of commitment. I often say, I coach real people with all their flaws - not perfect versions of those people. Coaching is all about succeeding with a client despite their challenges. I mentioned briefly how I'd start - with clear goals you can believe in. But that's just the start. Almost inevitably, things don'thttp://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/08/i-have-no-commitment-so-life-coaching.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-8768270740482013940Fri, 24 Jun 2011 09:15:00 +00002011-06-24T10:15:01.662+01:00  This is an anonymised extract from my dialgoue with an E-Coaching client: There's a nice analogy I think I can get away with with you, (it's a bit rude). Perhaps you've heard it before. We start life as a diamond. Shiny, new, open and entirely wonderful (children are these things). In our diamond years, we are punished by parents, teachers, other children and by our understanding of reality http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/06/painting-smelly-stuff.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-1062653804510088156Fri, 27 May 2011 09:46:00 +00002011-05-27T10:46:45.764+01:00 Julia wrote to me following my BLOG article on anger: Hi Chris, So true about the anger. I have experienced it a lot lately. I am usually one of the most relaxed, laid back people that I know and I've always been the one to let things pass. But lately I am full of anger and I usually become defensive. As if I am finally standing up for myself but not sure I am doing it the right way... http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/05/standing-up-for-yourself-why-bother.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-1413245694361909851Wed, 25 May 2011 09:36:00 +00002011-05-25T10:37:27.021+01:00 Hello Jacqueline, Anger is driven by two things: a mis-match between what is and what ought to be a sense of powerlessness to change it. Removing the anger can involve: changing a perception about how things are changing a belief about how things ought to be increasing control finding new coping tactics - Sometimes it's a mixture of some or all of these. It's important to try to tackle this http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/05/managing-anger.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-6422696482120630223Mon, 09 May 2011 11:11:00 +00002011-05-09T12:11:06.185+01:00 Hello Debbie, So you want to be more relaxed and worry less. Worry is a big source of misery in many people's lives and the causes and cures are varied. Start by getting your worry monsters out of the shadows and onto a well-lit table. When you're fully alert and feeling good, write them down in sentenced like "I am worried about money". Next express the worry in terms of consequences: "I http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/05/worry-of-worry.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-3426165014267117357Tue, 12 Apr 2011 08:28:00 +00002011-04-12T09:30:59.609+01:00 You OK? The world is a troubling place at the moment, with global recession, middle Eastern instability and class 7 nuclear incidents. That's one of the problems with news, of course. Awareness for its own sake is not always - and perhaps is not often - a good thing. I recall a while ago, when this dawned on me. Hugh Edwards was reading the BBC news and saying "An update for you on that lorry http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/04/victims-invisible-choices.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-4047276301205826066Fri, 08 Apr 2011 10:55:00 +00002011-04-08T11:55:09.540+01:00 Hello Dermot I noticed your observation that "I could coach myself". This is a common tought, and although you may suspect my vested interest, I honeslty think it's a mistaken one. If you look back at the last 5 years, you might see yourself in the existence you're currently unhappy with, and if you do - you might ask yourself why you haven't coached yourself up until now. Usually, we know http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/04/pull-your-socks-up.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-909455638530982799Thu, 10 Mar 2011 16:43:00 +00002011-03-10T16:43:05.522ZClaire writes: Hi there, I feel like I’m stuck in a massive major rut at the moment and on and off I’ve been experiencing bouts of depression. I’m unhappy in my job it’s not stimulating enough and the environment is wrong for me. I work in engineering and I am not the tiniest bit interested in this company or what it does. After an incident of sexual harassment that I reported last year thishttp://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/03/stuck-in-massive-rut.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-3569827803229843537Wed, 09 Mar 2011 12:39:00 +00002011-03-09T12:41:43.905Z 'A' Writes: Here's my current situation and queries. I am an experienced writer, but suffered redundancy last year from my main job as a careers advisor after nine years of service. I have a new part-time job, but I am currently also setting up a freelance writing business. My main problem is trying to split my time equally between my paid job, the new business and looking after my http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/03/juggling-your-time.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-8287638211654461454Mon, 21 Feb 2011 15:45:00 +00002011-02-21T15:45:23.170ZHello Joanne So you want to feel more motivated. When motivation is lacking it's particularly difficult, because you'll struggle to motivate yourself to fix it! The engine of change is the thing that's broken. Without motivation, we live life at a low level, avoiding the worst of the bad stuff, trying to tread the least awful path. Beyond that, we're powerless to make changes. At it's core, http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/02/has-your-get-up-and-go-got-up-and-gone.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-401244112062563194Fri, 18 Feb 2011 11:22:00 +00002011-02-18T11:22:15.145Z Ed Haddon - Life Coach Ed was a client of mine a couple of years ago. He contacted me recently to tell me what he's been up to and to show me his new website. The quote below appears on his home page (and here, with Ed's permission): "Two years ago I was at a crossroads in my career and I knew I wanted to be happier but I had exhausted my own ideas about how. So I had some life coaching. Deeplyhttp://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/02/what-coaching-did-for-ed.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-1176972585506260705Tue, 08 Feb 2011 13:51:00 +00002011-02-08T13:51:52.026Z Hello Alison, So you're not feeling fulfilled, but unsure about how much coaching would help. Normal on both counts! There's a saying - "If you wait for certainty, you wait for death" and - in a grim sense - I think that's true. In all worthwhile challenges (and finding fulfilment must surely qualify, and the older we get the more keenly we feel it), there are no certainties - there are http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/02/fed-up-skeptical-trapped.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-6696547067578757792Fri, 28 Jan 2011 13:32:00 +00002011-01-28T13:56:40.397Z Now, don't worry, I'm not going all mystical on you, so please bear with me. As I spend more time looking closely at human thinking, working with others on their pain and their happiness, it is increasingly clear that the emotional part of our selves is pivotal in all that we strive for. That part of us doesn't do maths, would run from Mr. Rubic's cube and doesn't always speak loud enough for http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/01/om-shivay.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-1863952729620343927Wed, 12 Jan 2011 10:29:00 +00002011-01-12T10:29:10.039Z After reading my article on life purpose, Mark asks: I am very interested in the idea of articulating a life purpose.  The question I have at this stage is whether a person could have a mixture of the examples that you gave e.g. related to planet, discovery, helping others, creating new things, showing the way etc?Hello Mark, The Life Purpose process is all about extracting a single http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/01/how-life-purpose-works.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-2586047079339408445Tue, 04 Jan 2011 10:36:00 +00002011-01-04T10:36:55.532Z You know - there's so much drivel written in the area of self-help. I stay keyed in to a lot of newsletters and other professionals' stuff, so I know what the market's doing and what I need to compete with, and because of that I, perhaps like you, am getting a flush of it now, hoping to tap into the new year marketplace. Common failure mechanisms are: 1. To entertain without educating - you http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2011/01/self-help-drivel.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-3691850081632771672Wed, 22 Dec 2010 20:01:00 +00002010-12-22T20:01:49.688ZYesterday I watched Jim Carrey's film Yes Man... Click the video to see the trailer. If you have any thoughts of experiences on it which you'd like to share with others, please do so in the discussion forum. If someone got there first, just add tot he topic, otherwise, why not start one? LIKE IT? SHARE IT! Using these buttons:http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2010/12/are-you-yes-person.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557189216822591899.post-5063977790026531629Wed, 15 Dec 2010 10:53:00 +00002010-12-15T11:01:24.640Z Human beings can "do" logic - we know that two plus two equals four - but logic does not usually determine our behaviour. We eat the wrong things, resist exercise, keep dating the wrong people, and so on. I've likened this to being sat in the passenger seat of a car with a maniac behind the wheel. You can keep screaming at him "YOU'RE HEADING OFF A CLIFF!!!" - but he doesn't listen. To a large http://lifeblog.uklifecoaching.org/2010/12/bizarre-rituals-monkey-brains.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Chris Wesley)0