Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Trapping YourSelf with FEAR

The really big obstacles in our lives are often put there by ourselves, and they are all driven by FEAR, which it's useful to think of as the achronym:

False
Expectations
Appearing
Real

Deciding to opt for coaching can be a stressful decision as my postbag often shows. The stress is all about fear (expectation which isn't real). Resistance surfaces in many forms, and is usually based on a false premise which I am happy to illuminate.

Anna wrote to me this morning:
It makes a lot of sense when i read [your newsletters], but it also makes you feel that you have to rely on others to decide which road you take. as if you cannot or are unable to think for yourself, or maybe i am just used to doing things the hard way ;-)
 This is quite a common concern. People think that coaching means entering into a dependent relationship, which in turn raises the concerns that (a) they see it as an admission of weakness and (b) they may struggle to leave it.

Both of these concerns are ill-founded, as I was happy to explain to Anna:
Hello Anna.
I noted your comments about your reluctance to rely on others. I can understand that, but it can be a kind of trap.
In most aspects of life - we learn from others and integrate their strengths into our own lives. People exist in inter-dependent relationships. We spend our lives (hopefully) learning and growing. These are not symptoms of dependency but of growth, and are to be nurtured.


If we keep on doing what we've always done, then we'll keep on getting what we've always got.


Sometimes it's very hard to change alone. Good coaches do not give people answers and create dependencies, rather they give new techniques and perspectives to allow people to grow independently. The best coaching relationships are short ones!


I wish you well on your journey Anna


Best Wishes,
Chris
If you are thinking of coaching but aren't entirely sure, the easiest way to explore is to book an initial phone consultation.

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