Thursday 3 May 2012

Stop Making Things Worse!

I've been thinking about resignation.
Not resigning, but being resigned. Some clients have situations which simply cannot be fixed or escaped and then it's a different game.
If you can't get what'll make you happy,
then perhaps
you can get happy with what you've got.
Or at least try to get OK with it.
So - whatever situation you're struggling with and can't escape, maybe you can be less miserable, less annoying, less frustrating, less painful, less scary. More OK.

That process starts with removing denial - accept what is - because it is. Look at it square on. Acknowledge the facts, simply as they are. Be with that for a while. Maybe a few days or weeks. Then see what your own thinking is bringing to your misery and try to dismantle it.

A few weeks ago I mentioned a little doggie I know called Wolfie. He developed a ruptured disk in his back and he back legs became very sluggish. He would avoid the pain by not walking much, but he'd drag himself around merrily enough from his food to his water to his favourite cushion and so on.

Wolfie is not capable of worrying about his future or his disability or his possible death, or the loss of his freedoms and his pleasures - he lives in the moment, and the reality of his moments with sluggish back legs was pretty damned OK. Food tasted OK, water was a refreshing, and so on.

So - paralysis brought something new and negative into his world; he accepted it, but he didn't add to the misery with mind-stuff.

Wolfie is fixed now, and as boisterous and annoying as ever :o)

What is there that you can't change that you hate? How can you reduce the additional misery you are adding as a fun optional extra?

You forth and accept stuff!

LIKE IT? SHARE IT! Using these buttons:


  1. Can I ever be O.K. that my daughter can't forgive me, leaves me out of her life, keeps me from her children, is angry with me. Can I ever be o.k. that I let her down at the most crucial point of her life, in her greatest need for protection from me? Can I ever forgive myself while she can't forgive me? Chris, we are suffering so much! Help!

  2. Without knowing what your issues are, I can't say very much that's helpful.

    She is your daughter - you are her mother. Sometimes that bond can conquer all - but not always. Have you explored it with her? Have you apologised?

    I know someone whose mum let them down horribly as a child, and that someone is damaged permanently as a result, but that person loves her mum still. She recognises what her mum was going through and who she was then. She would rather have her in her life than out of it.

    If you really want me to help, I recommend booking smoe coaching. If money is a serious difficulty for you, I opeate a hardship scheme. All details are on the main website.

    Either way, I wish you well.